Another winter blast is headed for the South, and unhappy citizens have two words to describe their displeasure: “Thanks, Obama.”
Numerous elementary and high schools, universities, and small businesses across the South plan to brace for the weather by closing their doors, giving students and faculty unexpected downtime and a chance to participate in the anarchy that is likely to erupt near the end of business hours on Monday evening.
For one concerned mother, a trip to the local grocery store proved fruitless, as shelves full of bread, milk, and bottled water were already being emptied by local citizens who happened to be off of work today.
According to most locals, Obama is to blame for the lack of infrastructure and sheer lack of common sense that permeates the region. The propensity to blame Obama for the wintry weather seems to stem from a similar tendency in which Southerners are encouraged to blame the president for every bad thing that happens to them, from high gas prices to sporting injuries. Although state emergency agencies have prepared for the worst, hopefully learning their lessons from the previous weeks, public sentiment appears unrelentingly hostile towards the president.
“Hasn’t he done enough damage to the economy?” asked one disgruntled citizen, “He brought Atlanta to a standstill with the last one. Now he’s at it again! Thanks, Obama. Thanks a lot.” When asked whether he had any meteorological training, the citizen rebuffed and stated, “I don’t believe in that hocus-pocus science-y stuff. That’s the devil talkin’.”
The White House declined to comment on Obama’s role in what has been deemed by many “Snowpocalypse 2014.” Stay tuned for further updates.